


Confession Overdue

by NilesDaughter



Series: Dragon Age Drunk Writing Circle [27]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, mentions of rape in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NilesDaughter/pseuds/NilesDaughter
Summary: Enansal has had her fair share of lovers but there is one she still looks back on with dread.





	Confession Overdue

**Author's Note:**

> As with any other piece I write that alludes to sexual assault, I am writing from a very personal place of hurt, so I do ask that you be respectful when reading this.

Enansal shot up in bed, chest heaving and heart pounding in her chest. She looked around wildly, trying to make sense of her surroundings. Slowly, she realized that she was in her quarters within Skyhold, alone in the darkness but safe from the man that plagued her nightmares.

She took a few deep breaths to try to calm herself before hugging her knees to her chest. After a few moments of silence, she released a heavy sigh. It had been years since the incident in Hasmal, and yet memories of it still haunted her nearly a decade later. She swallowed the bile that threatened to rise in her throat, trying to ignore the knots in her stomach. It did her no good to dwell on her thoughts, but she knew that it would be near impossible to fall asleep again. Now that he was on her mind, she would obsess over that terrible night, wondering for the umpteenth time if she could have stopped what had happened to her.

Now letting out a growl of disgust, Enansal pushed herself out of bed and took up the dressing gown draped over the foot of her bed. She slipped it on as she descended the first flight of stairs from her quarters to the great hall, hoping the simple act of walking would help to clear her head.

The Inquisitor paid little attention to where she was actually walking, barely acknowledging what few Inquisition scouts passed by her. Before long, she found herself standing outside of Cullen’s tower.

Enansal blinked a little at the door, startled to have stopped there. She hesitated to knock, not for fear of disturbing the Commander, but for fear that he would be unwilling to love her once he was exposed to all of her dark secrets. After all, Hasmal was not something she spoke of lightly. She shook her head at herself, her own doubts. She told herself that the fact her subconscious had guided her to Cullen spoke volumes to his character. No matter what happened in the next few moments, Cullen loved her. Of that she was absolutely certain.

She finally lifted her hand and rapped her knuckles against the wooden door.

It only took a few moments before Cullen opened the door. Despite the late hour, it seemed as if he had yet to go to bed. Though he wasn’t wearing any pieces of his armor, he was still dressed in his gambeson and breeches, and while a few flyaway curls now hung over his brow, his hair was still slicked back.

“I-Inquisitor,” he said, looking rightfully startled to see her. His expression shifted to concern upon seeing what she assumed was a troubled one upon her own countenance. “Are you alright?”

“I…was having trouble sleeping. Might I come in?”

“Certainly,” he murmured, stepping away from the entryway and holding the door open for her.

Once she’d slipped inside, he closed the door again and turned to face her, brows still furrowed with concern.

“Nan…What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Enansal laughed once - a very hollow sound - and lowered her gaze, focusing on the flagstones beneath her feet. “I suppose I have, in a way…”

Cullen frowned and took her by the hand. He led her across the room to seat her in the chair behind his desk. He then moved to shift some stacks of paper and parchment so that he could perch on the spot he had cleared. He turned towards her and took her hand again, running his thumb across her knuckles in a soothing gesture.

“What happened?” he asked, voice low and gentle.

She fell silent for a few moments before she could form the words. “Have I ever talked about my previous lovers?”

His expression betrayed his confusion…as well as some hurt. “Not in length, no. You have mentioned Garrick, but only to learn about his fate during the events at Kirkwall.”

“I remember,” she responded with a nod. “But I haven’t mentioned Aaric before…have I?”

“The name isn’t familiar, no.”

“I figured as much. I…I really don’t like talking about Aaric.”

“Enansal, why are you bringing this up now? I thought you were…we were…”

“Oh, Cullen, please don’t think I’m not happy. On the contrary, I am incredibly happy with you.”

“Then-”

“But my past relationships have affected how I act around you. And you deserve to know why.”

He nodded slowly. “Then I apologize for interrupting.”

Enansal nodded a little in return and then took a deep breath. “Before I met Garrick, I was lovers with a human noble from Hasmal. Aaric Daubney. He was…incredibly sweet, surprisingly so. But one night…I went to go see him, but no one else was at the manor aside from the servants. And even then, there seemed to be a lack of them. That should have been my first warning.”

As she spoke, her hands began to tremble, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She had not spoken about Aaric since had told Garrick about the incident. And even then, only Garrick and the Inquisitor’s childhood friend had learned the truth about what happened. Even her own clan was unaware of why she despised the city of Hasmal.

“W-we had some wine…some food…Then he took me to his chambers. I had laid with others before that night, but in those relationships, it was always something we spoke of beforehand. With Aaric, I had always assumed he was never interested in…in…” A sob finally tore through her throat, and frost magic shot from her fingertips.

Cullen’s hands clenched around hers, and the magic slowly dissipated; though he had stopped taking lyrium, he still kept hold of some of his abilities while he weaned himself off the mineral.

“I-I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now, but…Aaric r-raped me…I was fifteen…And to this day, I can’t bear to set foot in that city again.” By that point, tears were streaming down her face, her body racked by sobs and the occasional hiccup.

Cullen slid off his desk and knelt by the chair, his fingers continuing to rub soothing circles into the Enansal’s hands. He was silent as she cried, waiting patiently and silently until her tears subsided.

“Enansal, listen to me.”

She sniffed and turned her brown gaze to his golden one. The entirety of his expression was writ with determination and adoration.

“Thank you for telling me. I know this must be hard for you to discuss, but I thank you for believing it was worth telling me. And please believe me when I say that you deserve better. You are more than deserving of a wonderful man that will cherish you for his whole life. Maker as my witness, I promise to try to be that man for you.”

The Inquisitor sniffed again and nodded. “You’re doing a wonderful job so far.”

Her Commander smiled faintly, and stretched up to plant a gentle kiss on her lips. “Thank you for saying so, my lady.”

“And thank you for listening.”

“Of course. It was the least I could do.”


End file.
